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| Saturday, November 14, 2009 |
My mum ask me the same repeated questions everyday, i dont even need to hear it before i could give her an answer. It's always, "where are you going?" "what time are you coming home?" "where are you now?" etc. I don't recall any questions that makes me feel she really cares about me. A simple "how's your day?" would mean a lot to me if it comes from her. My dad never talks to me besides scoldings and small comments. We dont have full conversations with each other. Usual mornings when we go out at the same time it's just a long silent walk to the elevator, then a long silent elevator ride down, then i'd salam him and go off seperate ways. We dont even sit on the same couch or eat dinner together. My brother is irresponsible, selfish, disrespectful, arrogant, disgusting, a jerk, an asshole, and whatever negative you can think of. He steals money from his own sisters and i dont think he's even remorseful about it. He enters the girls' room(me and my sisters) and takes things without permission. He eats, then go to sleep leaving the plates on the table unattended expecting someone to clean up after him. He blasts the music so loud so oblivious to his surrounding. His throws used clothes all over his room. I just, almost hate him. That's because we're blood related. I would never live with him if i have a choice. My sisters.. well, they're the only family i can open up to. Sometimes i feel frustrated that noone understands me at home. Nobody makes me feel welcome to open up to them. That's why im always conserved and quiet. I've grown up in that kind of environment and it's so much a part of me now. So much a part of me that it affects my relationship because i dont express myself well and it's hard for me to open up at times. I wouldn't want my own family to be like this. I just wish this could change. The best i can do now is to just change myself. |
| Gee ♥ Saturday, November 14, 2009 |